I don’t know the woman or man in this picture. It was taken at a Settlers Reenactment at Fort Griffin, Texas last year by my friend Dee Stephenson Elliott. Dee kindly permitted me to use this picture on my blog site after learning how strongly I connected with this couple. I hope my words can portray just what my heart felt.  So here goes… and for illustrative purposes I have given them the names of Anna and Samuel.

From the moment I saw her, I admired her and wanted to know more. The look on her face showed a woman who has a great love and respect for her husband.  She drew me into her life and immediately a story played out in my mind about what it must have been like for this pioneer woman.

I learned to play poker while I was living with my older brother Mike. Mike had only been home from Vietnam a couple of years and was living the bachelor life with a house full of guy roommates when he inherited me at the wild age of 16. I was too much for my Aunt to handle so she sent me from the only state I really had ever known, North Carolina, to go live with him in California in 1976. Poor choice on her part but that is another story.

While I lived with my brother I was a handful for him too but instead of trying to keep me from his lifestyle he just exposed me to it all and hoped I made good choices. I didn’t. In those 2 years I learned a whole lot of things, and Poker was one that I got to practice a lot.

I learned every type of Poker there was. I enjoyed the games and learning to bluff. I even had the excitement of playing Poker with Waylon Jennings in Lake Tahoe one night. His high bankroll pushed me out soon in the game but what a thrill and a memory.

When I turn onto the county road that my cabin is located, everything that I have been about since I left here last vanishes again. All the high speed city driving now becomes how slow can I creep along to not miss a single new bush in bloom or how the river may have risen and formed a new path. The racing of my heart begins to beat slower, the weight of living by an agenda falls off, my smile gets bigger and then all my being shouts Thank You God for providing me with this beauty and this respite.

So far since my husband and I purchased this place I have spent a good amount of my time doing projects here in preparation to list it as a vacation rental. We got it in January so in the 4 months that I have been coming I always say I am going to take some time to write while I am here and then time gets all used up. This visit though I am all by myself and made it a priority to get some thoughts on paper. Only recently have I discovered that I love to write. I am not skilled at it nor do I have a extensive vocabulary. I am not even cleverly witted like my husband (who writes copy as part of his job) but I do it because it brings me joy.

I don’t have a whole lot of memories from younger days. They were rough and I probably have chosen to not hold on to them. So when I do think about an occurrence and the connection of how it molded who I am I like to journal the event. If you have read any of my other blog posts you know most of my writings have to do with being a wife, my greatest joy. So here is another…

In High School I took a career test that was suppose to give you an idea of what professions fit with your personality. It really didn’t have anything to do with your intelligence level, it was just about what makes you most excited. I took the test at age 15 so that may have been considered a little young to really know but surprisingly the results are still true to this day.

My highest score was in all the areas of an occupation that dealt with land or animals, meaning my career would most likely be a veterinarian or a forest ranger. Well heck yeah, those are both cool jobs and I was excited! Being a person who never wanted to pursue an education past high school meant I wasn’t going to receive those degrees. However, I did go on to volunteering at a veterinarian’s office for awhile and I also was a live in nanny on a 150 acre ranch that had horses and cows and lots of woods. So in a roundabout way I pursued my passion for awhile at least until age 22.

Fast forward almost 35 years and here I am once again surrounded with the dreams of my heart. I have this little getaway place on 13 acres of forest that backs up to a gazillion acres of national forest that I see in every direction I look. I also have a bigger variety of animals around me than I imagined. It is good. It is from God. His rewards are so awesome. And His timing is perfect.

Now it is not like I have been miserable those past 35 years just waiting to get back to the woods. Not at all. You see my second highest score on that career test was for homemaker and that is where God placed me. That career test was totally accurate for me. I know this because when I was a young girl about 9 or 10 I moved to a rural area and that is when I began playing in the woods. And what I would play most of the time was making a house. Me and my little friends we would move sticks and rocks around around to outline the rooms and then we would sweep the ground smooth and voilà we would have made a 3 room home. We would find things to set up a table and chairs and then we always had to have a vase of flowers on the table. “Playing house” just became the best pastime ever, right along with being down in the creek looking for crawdads cause I also had a very tom-boyish side too.  I consider those days the preamble to my homemaker career.

Being a homemaker is such an individualized job. I think every woman has her own unique description for “Homemaker”. For me my homemaker job always included being a mom too, because right from the beginning of married life I was also a mom. I had my son Tyler for two years before I married his dad so getting acclimated being a homemaker was a little different for me.

The tasks of homemaker can become very routine as with any job. Certain ones that are to be achieved everyday, dishes, laundry, meals, beds made can really become mundane. Then there are the unexpected duties that come occasionally such as being a nurse, a counselor and an administrator of discipline which take extra focus. And then those special tasks of hand holding, teacher, and intercessor that fill our hearts with the best memories.

Every homemaker has her own style as to how she handles what comes her way. I wish I could say my technique was awesome but it wasn’t. I was just ok at it for years. Mostly because I wasn’t spiritually healthy and I had more fun drinking then I did doing anything else. It took me a few years to really grasp the whole I am cool with this stay at home job. And also to accept the struggles of being a parent. I didn’t have a role model in this area so for the most part I walked it blind.

In hindsight I see the incredibly fulfilling job it was being both my sons’ mother and my husband’s wife and to take care of our home full time. It was my greatest blessing and also my biggest regret that I didn’t allow God to show me how to be during those rough times. I believe that is why now I feel so passionate about helping young women to feel secure and content when they make that decision to be a homemaker and stay at home mom. It really is a difficult job and should never be undervalued.

In my quest for wanting to always improve my craft of wife and homemaker and share with others what I learned I started this blog “The Helpmeets” taken from Genesis 2:18. As instructed to be my husband’s helper I have found this scripture to be the core basis for my basis. It took me a long time but I learned that for my husband to be what God has called him to be requires that I be his Helpmeet. Am I the epitome of excellence at this? Far from it. Matter of fact at times I stink at it. My saving grace is I recognize it and try to get back on track as quickly as possible. A lesson I often teach in the beginning. MOVE ON! Don’t harbor in bitterness and self protection. Go on to forgiveness and finding solutions together. Most of all respect your husband and be a help to him. He needs you, you need each other!

My sons have been on their own for years now and it has just been my husband and I doing that empty nest thing but still “playing house” as I call it. My homemaker job description has changed quite a bit. Both my sons have lived close by at times and I have even had the pleasure of being in my grandkids lives on a daily basis for 3 years. Believe me that added a few forgotten tasks back into the day. Now after all these years I still continue doing what I love and what that superfluous career placement test predicted! God wink!

If we could ever get through just one project working as a team I think pigs would start flying!  You see my husband and I are both very prone to outdo the other and we each think our own way is the best way to accomplish something. We certainly have our individual fields of expertise but when it comes to a joint effort we don’t always work well together. I have started to recognize where we go astray and so fortunately now we do at least finish the project together without the other one up and leaving. But we have come close…

A few years ago we bought a 1927 home and decided to remodel it. This was a completely new venture for us. We weren’t into the flip houses or fixer upper shows that are so popular now. We didn’t have any knowledge of historical homes and truthfully we didn’t buy the house for its background. We bought for the location and it was to be a distraction for us to get over losing our previous home to a fire.

We purchased a house which was livable but had not been brought up to date in many years. Some of the things like electricity had never been updated. We lived in a rental while the construction was being done in order to get it done faster. We began by tearing out all the sheetrock and then going from there. We hired outside professionals to do the things that needed permits but we were our own contractors on the job.

This is the part that set up most of the tension. Being in charge of the subcontractors didn’t go so well for me. I wasn’t happy with some of their work and this created an uncomfortable situation at times. Some workers I had to fire which wasted money and time. Some, I just argued with until I finally got close to what I wanted. This caused Ken and I to be at odds regarding that part of the project.

In hindsight I see how much of the strife could have been avoided had I stuck to what I was good at which was making the purchases and overseeing the scheduling of everything, and Ken do what he was excellent at which is dealing with people and inspecting their work with grace. I see now that we were a great team but just got assigned to the wrong position.

Proudly, I can say we did finish the house within 5 months without the other one walking away. When we decided to sell that old house for a newer one we sold it for the highest square foot price in the neighborhood so we must have done something right!  Since we were able to get thru that project without the divorce word I feel I can share a few lessons learned that may keep you and your spouse from being rivals.

First, start with a clean slate. No reminders of past projects gone bad or keeping score of who’s idea worked or who was most resourceful or who worked the hardest. You each bring your own skills to the project and both of you together provide what is needed. It is best to discuss what those skills are before beginning though! I also recommend praying and some good loving on each other before starting, to remind yourselves that you are partners first and foremost and you need the other. Arguing is the furthest thing from my mind after we have just gone before the Lord or been intimate.

Second, keep it civil. Words hurt and linger to the point that they are what becomes the focus instead of the project. Give words of affirmation and encouragement. When you have an opinion share it with respect and ask for it to be considered. Now some women may read that last sentence and feel I am implying the wife is inadequate and her opinion comes second. No. I never think a wife is second to her husband. I know a wife and husband are one and this means they are of equal value. I do believe that a wife is to be her husband’s helper therefore she is to allow him to lead on everything and assist him along the way. Your husband will desire your input when given with respect. Ask any CEO of a company how valuable his/her assistant is and they will say indispensable. As wives our help is so needed by our spouse but only wanted when it comes with kindness, so be loving with your words.

Last and most importantly make working together fun and memorable. Make jokes, take fun pictures along the way, lighten up the situation when needed. Your project may be as easy as planting flowers or as difficult as building that dream home. It is way more enjoyable to look back on a joint effort and see the joy you both experienced then to be reminded of the tension that transpired from it.

There is never a winner when arguing about who does what best or who works hardest. You both are needed and you both are valuable. The End. Put any of those competitive attitudes away for good. You are a team! If you have trouble remembering this let me give you a helpful image. It’s one of Gary Busey’s famous acronyms, TEAM, Together Everyone Achieves More.

I love those Buseyisms!! Hope you have fun being a team with your hubby. May God bless all that you together put your hands to and you both look back upon it with smiles.