When I wrote my last blog Chart the Course, directed at single women, I knew that I would be following up with some guidance for married women with Stay the Course. That plan has changed. After being involved in a critical situation over the weekend I have been given a new perspective on the phrase “stay the course” and I would like to share that with you instead.

On Saturday afternoon we went out for a sail. Another couple would be joining us on the lake in their motor boat. We set a course to sail about a mile out beyond an island and join our friends for a bit then return to the marina. That was our plan.

We were in route to our destination, our friends passed us and we followed. There were no signs of inclement weather in sight.  The water was calm and the winds were light. It was smooth sailing for us. After being on the water about 30 minutes the skies began to grow dark. We thought it best to turn and head in.Then suddenly out of nowhere a gust of wind knocked us over. The boat uprighted itself but the winds and waves made it very difficult to maneuver. We were not going to be able to make it back to the marina. Our friends motorboat was strong enough to make it to a dock safely but we were forced to stay on the lake in a most dangerous situation.

An unforeseen hazard had interfered with our course.  We still were determined to return to the marina safely but we had  to modify our course. We weren’t giving up, we just had to detour. We had to ride out this storm first. We agreed we would stay in the cockpit together and attempt to keep our boat from hitting anything.

During that frantic time on the lake I became so angry about being overtaken by the storm. I was mad we hadn’t taken better precaution to get the sails reefed when the sky started clouding up. I was mad I couldn’t get to my life jacket because it was down in the cabin. I was furious that I felt helpless. I even yelled at the man who I love the most. Then I saw him with all his strength holding on to the tiller in great effort to protect us and I just had to tell him I loved him. No external circumstances were going to interfere with that. Later that evening we were able to return to the marina. We had to be towed in but we got back to where we wanted to be.

As I prepared to write this blog I was shown the similarities between my situation on the lake and facing a crisis in marriage. I felt I needed to pass this along to you.

When you are in the midst of uncertainty in your marriage it feels as if you are helpless in a storm.  You are holding on with all your strength and you are trying not to give up. You are also scared and angry. You may say things you regret. Your circumstances are causing you to think you may not survive. The only thing you want is for it to just be back the way it was when it was good, when it was smooth sailing.

A lie would tell you it can’t happen, but God promises it can.

Hebrews 10: 35-36  So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

If there is a storm in your marriage right now please don’t give up hope. If you will stay the course by being persistent, remembering your love for one another and praying to our Father for help, you will survive this storm and be better for it. So put your lifejacket on and be the best first mate you can be.

I am writing this blog post from a hotel room where I came to have a little alone time. Some people may not enjoy the solitude but I sure do. I also enjoy every chance I get to escape with my husband as well. This time though was one of the times I needed the quiet to just write and read and really catch up on time with myself. I had hoped to write more than I have while here but the words were just not coming, until room service man brought my coffee!

While placing the tray of coffee down he asked how my morning was going, I replied that I was just beginning to write a blog post on marriage and boy did his face light up.  He preceded to tell me in the quick time he was here that he and his girlfriend were discussing marriage and how they were scared that the longevity of marriage isn’t what it used to be. He felt the odds may be against them. This made me very sad to think young couples now enter into a marriage knowing that society encourages a way out if you aren’t happy and it’s no big deal if you don’t last until death do you part. He was curious why you don’t hear of 50 plus year marriages as often anymore.

This prompted me to think about marriage in comparison to making a long voyage. When getting my sailing certification I made short voyages every day for six days and even for those we had to chart the course. We had to take into consideration all the variables such as speed of the winds, the currents, tides, water depths and any hazards. I knew the importance of having a course before heading out into the vast ocean with just enthusiasm and my love of the sea. Newlyweds often embrace marriage with only their love of one another and their excitement for the new journey that lies ahead. This is where they enter treacherous waters because they didn’t chart the course.

A valuable way to eliminate some of the unforeseen dangers is to participate in Premarital Counseling. It is an excellent way to prepare the navigation for your marriage. Premarital Counseling provides a platform to ensure that each person knows as much as possible about the other and how to be equipped to handle any of the hazards that can come up during the course of marriage. Here are a few important situations to be discussed and agreed upon before attempting to becoming one.  Faith, Boundaries, Past, Children, and Finances. and a link to a great article that covers these and more in detail. Ten things to discuss pre-marriage.

I know some pastors require the couple to receive 10 hours of Premarital Counseling for first time marriages before he will marry them. In my opinion this is not near enough. You should really take the opportunity to discuss  serious issues with the person you will be spending a lifetime and chart your course together. You will probably spend hundreds of hours discussing the details for the wedding, the reception and the honeymoon. Don’t you think you should give equal time to the most important and longest lasting relationship of your life?

I hope this motivates you engaged women to want to chart the course for your marriage. My next post will be Stay the Course and will provide those of us en route to not give up. I want to encourage you wives who have achieved more years of marriage to come along side of a newer wife and mentor her as instructed in Titus 2:3-5.  Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.