If we could ever get through just one project working as a team I think pigs would start flying!  You see my husband and I are both very prone to outdo the other and we each think our own way is the best way to accomplish something. We certainly have our individual fields of expertise but when it comes to a joint effort we don’t always work well together. I have started to recognize where we go astray and so fortunately now we do at least finish the project together without the other one up and leaving. But we have come close…

A few years ago we bought a 1927 home and decided to remodel it. This was a completely new venture for us. We weren’t into the flip houses or fixer upper shows that are so popular now. We didn’t have any knowledge of historical homes and truthfully we didn’t buy the house for its background. We bought for the location and it was to be a distraction for us to get over losing our previous home to a fire.

We purchased a house which was livable but had not been brought up to date in many years. Some of the things like electricity had never been updated. We lived in a rental while the construction was being done in order to get it done faster. We began by tearing out all the sheetrock and then going from there. We hired outside professionals to do the things that needed permits but we were our own contractors on the job.

This is the part that set up most of the tension. Being in charge of the subcontractors didn’t go so well for me. I wasn’t happy with some of their work and this created an uncomfortable situation at times. Some workers I had to fire which wasted money and time. Some, I just argued with until I finally got close to what I wanted. This caused Ken and I to be at odds regarding that part of the project.

In hindsight I see how much of the strife could have been avoided had I stuck to what I was good at which was making the purchases and overseeing the scheduling of everything, and Ken do what he was excellent at which is dealing with people and inspecting their work with grace. I see now that we were a great team but just got assigned to the wrong position.

Proudly, I can say we did finish the house within 5 months without the other one walking away. When we decided to sell that old house for a newer one we sold it for the highest square foot price in the neighborhood so we must have done something right!  Since we were able to get thru that project without the divorce word I feel I can share a few lessons learned that may keep you and your spouse from being rivals.

First, start with a clean slate. No reminders of past projects gone bad or keeping score of who’s idea worked or who was most resourceful or who worked the hardest. You each bring your own skills to the project and both of you together provide what is needed. It is best to discuss what those skills are before beginning though! I also recommend praying and some good loving on each other before starting, to remind yourselves that you are partners first and foremost and you need the other. Arguing is the furthest thing from my mind after we have just gone before the Lord or been intimate.

Second, keep it civil. Words hurt and linger to the point that they are what becomes the focus instead of the project. Give words of affirmation and encouragement. When you have an opinion share it with respect and ask for it to be considered. Now some women may read that last sentence and feel I am implying the wife is inadequate and her opinion comes second. No. I never think a wife is second to her husband. I know a wife and husband are one and this means they are of equal value. I do believe that a wife is to be her husband’s helper therefore she is to allow him to lead on everything and assist him along the way. Your husband will desire your input when given with respect. Ask any CEO of a company how valuable his/her assistant is and they will say indispensable. As wives our help is so needed by our spouse but only wanted when it comes with kindness, so be loving with your words.

Last and most importantly make working together fun and memorable. Make jokes, take fun pictures along the way, lighten up the situation when needed. Your project may be as easy as planting flowers or as difficult as building that dream home. It is way more enjoyable to look back on a joint effort and see the joy you both experienced then to be reminded of the tension that transpired from it.

There is never a winner when arguing about who does what best or who works hardest. You both are needed and you both are valuable. The End. Put any of those competitive attitudes away for good. You are a team! If you have trouble remembering this let me give you a helpful image. It’s one of Gary Busey’s famous acronyms, TEAM, Together Everyone Achieves More.

I love those Buseyisms!! Hope you have fun being a team with your hubby. May God bless all that you together put your hands to and you both look back upon it with smiles.